Humor for smart people
*The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again
invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.*
*
Here are the winners:*
1.* Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2.* Ignoranus*: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3.* Intaxicaton*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4.* Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5.* Bozone *( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6.* Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7.* Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8.* Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9.* Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.* Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11.* Karmageddon*: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12.* Decafalon* (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13.* Glibido*: All talk and no action.
14.* Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15.* Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16.* Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17.* Caterpallor* ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
*
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.
And the winners are:** *
1.* Coffee*, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2.* Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3.* Abdicate*, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4.* esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.* Willy-nilly*, adj. Impotent.
6.* Negligent*, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7.* Lymph*, v. To walk with a lisp.
8.* Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.* Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10.* Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11.* Testicle*, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12.* Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13.* Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14.* Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15.* Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16.* Circumvent*, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men
Posted on October 22, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
Leave a comment
Comments 0